Meet Me at Milf Manor
Imagine the most questionable reality show you can think of. Now add 20 year old boys.
If reality TV is the 21st century freak show, then TLC is the Ringling Bros. (is there a difference between a circus and a freak show?). And if TLC is the Ringling Bros., then their newest show Milf Manor is The Elephant Man.
In case you haven’t heard, Milf Manor is intergenerational Love Island with really weird phone cases and a #plottwist. AKA, a group of 8 older women who want to date younger men end up on an island dating each others’ sons.
After I watched the first two episodes of MM, I was physically compelled by external forces to scavenge the internet for reviews, opinions, eviscerations, and references to the infamous 30 Rock “Milf Island” episode. I’m happy to report I was NOT disappointed. IMBd in particular is chock full of people who are, to put it mildly, fucking pissed about this show’s existence. Here’s one review from user qdhsthrz,
Really reaching here. I feel dirty and I cannot find my remote fast enough to change the channel. These women are so fake and narcissistic. I have a wonderful son who would never think any of this was ok. Just gross..This is a sad portrayal of so many things. Mom and son relationships-arrogance of the moms and arrogance and disrespect shown by the sons. I have no issue with relationships where there is an age difference. I am just bothered by the fact that someone thought this was a good concept. Also I am bothered that I have to keep writing because my initial response was too short. Everyone involved with this should really reconsider.
And while it is certainly not a breezy walk in the park to revel in the discomfort of 22 year old boys trying to charm older women while their moms watch alongside, or older women literally groping said young boys in a “game” that both sexualizes the other male contestants while reinforcing a motherly bond between themselves and their children (the game was to feel allllll up on every boys’ shirtless body to identify which one was their child’s, with the quickest identification getting the largest rooms in the villa), if you came to TLC for feel good TV… you’ve desperately lost the plot.
Bring out the Dancing Lobsters
As previously established, TLC is all about that freaky shit (exploiting peoples’ insecurities, delusions, and appearances to make a quick voyeuristic buck). See: My 600 Pound Life, all of the 90 Day Fiancé iterations, Little People, Big World, etc. Even though I am a 90 Day stan — I’m a human with eyeballs and a disdain for Americans after all — TLC shows are quintessentially shock value TV.
A “good show” on TLC is not a “good show” like The White Lotus. A “good TLC show” is a show that makes you question everything you thought you stood for and/or would be able to stomach. It challenges you like being a public school teacher or having an emotionally manipulative best friend: you don’t inherently become a better person from surviving the challenge, but you do learn a lot about things you didn’t necessarily ever need to know.
This is what people don’t understand about Milf Manor. This show will never be recommended in “TV Shows that perfectly align with your personal values,” or even “Shows to binge when you don’t know who you are anymore.” Because at its core, Milf Manor is simply supposed to grab your attention, akin to someone vomiting off a roller coaster within 6 feet of you. If you don’t pay attention, you might get chunks in your hair. If you do, you can stay out of the splash zone, while also learning exactly what that person ate over the last 6 hours.
I will be watching the entire season of Milf Manor because I’m mildly horrified and enthusiastically curious about all that’s to come. And in case you didn’t think there was any substance in that vomit, can I interest you in a little mild feminist analysis?
*Tyra voice* Masculinity… but make it alternative
You know how stereotypically hyper-masculine men lowkey hate their moms and women in general? Well, none of those men are on the show where the premise is dating older women.
Shockingly, this doesn’t seem to be a coincidence! Instead, all of the boys (I have to call them boys because one of them is 20 years old) exhibit explicitly alternative masculinities.
There’s Gabriel, a whiny wannabe fashion kid who definitely makes #fitcheck Tiktoks but definitely does not know how to pronounce Loewe. There’s Jimmy, an in-touch-with-your-feelings-look-at-the-beauty-of-the-earth softboi who has a foot fetish and was in the military. And of course there’s Jose, the ultra-sweet, slightly older contestant (at 28, he is the second oldest male character on the show) who openly expresses his appreciation of each woman’s personality while on dates when not attached at the hip to his mom. Suffice it to say, none of these boys are pictured under “Textbook Heterosexual Man.” (To be clear, I’m not saying these boys don’t exhibit any traits of toxic masculinity, just that they aren’t Luke from The O.C.).
Is this because the aforementioned Textbook Heterosexual Man rejects their femininity and any identity with their mothers so much, they’re unable to A. accept that their mothers are women who are in need of romantic and sexual fulfillment (let alone in front of their faces) as well as, B. fully accept that masculinity is not a straight line? In a super twisted and potentially perverse way, are some of the Milf Manor boys a 6th wave feminism-style expression of a heterosexual man being incredibly comfortable with his masculinity?
These boys are so open about their willingness to date an older woman — something society unequivocally tells them they should not want to do — they’re essentially forced into confronting the nuances of their identity as a man. This statement, that they’re not exclusively attracted to the ideal heterosexual woman (who MUST be young), immediately welcomes societal ridicule that would make the general public question their sexuality and, probably, their sanity. And yet, here they are. Seemingly unfazed, wearing a Raw onesie and dating their mom’s friends.
Also… some of these boys absolutely have unresolved maternal issues for which they should consider therapy.
Anyway, here’s Disco Mommy.
Face off in Erection Cove: Disco Mammi vs Erika Jayne
Oh… you’re not familiar with interregional sensation Disco Mammi (pronounced mommy)? AKA Kelle from Orange County? Well, you won’t be able to say that in a few minutes.
Disco Mommy is Erika Jayne (AKA Erika Girardi AKA the Real Housewife whose husband stole money from plane crash survivors’ families, toward which Erika has exactly zero remorse), if Erika never married an older, rich man and, instead, was a single mom in Orange County. During her introduction, Kelle says she also goes by Disco Mammi, but I’m entirely unsure if this is a stage name, a second personality, or like when a 15 year old boy moves to a new town and claims his nickname is “Sir Fucks A Lot” but literally no one has ever called him that.
As the show continues, this is progressively more confusing as a nickname/stage name considering:
She throws an absolute BF about fellow moms Pola and Stefany speaking Spanish to either other when it’s A. their first language and also B.while they are… in… Mexico? Considering her conservative-leaning distain toward non-English speakers, why “Disco Mammi” and not “Disco Mommy”? Even though Kelle is lowkey orange, does she need to be reminded that’s different from being brown?
In episode 3, there was a talent show where the prompt was essentially “make everyone horny while you dance with your mom/son,” and Disco Mammi did NOT have a bedazzled microphone or a latex bodysuit on while doing her worst Britney Spears impersonation
Either way, Disco Mammi now exists in my brain, so I would like to speculate on who would win in hand-to-hand (or mic-to-mic) combat: Disco Mammi or Erika Jayne?
DM vs. EJ
Erika Jayne has better wigs. Disco Mammi has a hotter body. Which matters more, fake hair or fake boobs? Only time will tell…
Erika Jayne is a scrappy little fucker, kind of like a rabid possum. But… Disco Mammi would definitely stick a fake nail straight into Erika’s eyes.
KILL SHOT: Disco Mammi sleeps with Erika Jayne’s police officer son. They pillow talk about how much they support anti-immigration laws.
Congratulations, Disco Mammi! Come collect your prize at the nearest Zoom Tan (it’s a gift certificate to Zoom Tan).
Basically, if you’re also watching Milf Manor and grappling with the perimeters the show itself (Does one couple win money at the end? Who will get eliminated in the next episode? Is there a “hideaway” a la Love Island where couples can rendezvous without their moms/sons around?) please hit me up so we can watch and process this projectile vomit together.
P.S. I’ll be on “The Milf Manor Podcast” created and hosted by Erika Gadja— the infamous genius behind the Instagram account Swipes4Daddy — talking through episode 3 later this week…
Shirtless hugs and sloppy kisses,
C